its been so surreal sumtyms. that its beginning to scare me. alot more than usual. constant random tots begin to fill my head. tho i tink i haf already made the decision but i keep questioning myself ova and ova again. till i tink it drives me insane at sum point.
pardon me for the thinking too much. it comes naturally.


i am torn in btw. i am not sure if i am actually willing to risk the stakes i haf to put to haf wat i want. i am afraid. on the other hand, i do want to see how all of these will turn out. i want to take those baby steps and go right thru the end. i noe i cant haf both even i do wish i can. i want sum ways that might do gd for both side. and for myself. esp for myself.

how do i get away from not being selfish by wanting sumting for myself?