so another of mum's drama happen again. been avoiding her call since that day. so as per norm, she has my life planned out for me. wants me to come back in dec. werk for 2 - 3mths den go back to ady and convo. den come back to SG. pfft!
i was so upset but i didnt want to create another scene wif her so i told her i am studying for an exam that will happen 2mrw (ok this is true aight). and i hanged up. i tot she left me to make my decision. i tot she said at the end of the day, its still my choice. why all these den?
yes prolly my refusal to make an immediate decision led to all these. well, for one thing, i am tryin to figure sumthings out. even if i do wanna stay, wtf do i turn to to be my banker?
and it doesnt help that they wanna cut me off by Jan. well, i culd get a job and cover my day-to-day expenses here for those mths till i get my freaking pr and a proper job. but how am i gonna afford that and save for a god-damn pr application fee?


well actually, i haf already made the decision. its just that i had no1 to turn to to support me. so surprisingly, out the blue, the boy said(finally!) that he wants me to stay. partly coz i told him off since he had nvr said anyting abt it b4. his defense was that he tot it was obvious enuff for me to realise/pick up. well, i did. its just nicer to hear him say it.


the biggest deal of it all tho is the fact that he offered to up front the money for the whole pr thingy. its like hes been thinking abt it and waiting for a gd tym to be saying it.
its funny tho. i was chatting to yan the other day and she had asked me to ask the boy. and i didnt wanna. partly coz i noe he wuld. coz i am me. and that i mean alot to him.
its tempting for sure given that i dun haf any solution at the moment. and i still cant believe that he did that. no questions asked. no catch no nothing. my gawd! how much i <3 the boy.


but how do i explain to the family? how do i tell them that hes willing to upfront the money so that for once, i culd get wat i want and live my life. for sure, i cant tell them the truth coz there wuld be alot of implications. but then, i wuldnt want to lie to them abt sumting so huge a deal. so again, i am still back to square 1. now having the means but still unable to do anyting abt it.


i appreciate very much every single thing he has done for me. + the more to come. i noe things wuldnt have been simpler to me if he hadnt been der, putting up and going thru wif me. tym and again, going out of his way just so he culd see me haf a peace of mind. and smile. and only he can do that. i did tell him tho that i am afraid to make that jump. to hope. coz i am afraid to fall.
and he said, 'fall. dun worry. i be your parachute'. he also said that hes not gonna change his mind abt it and that noting i can say will make him too. thats that!
culd i ask for a betta man?