despite wasting tym for a prac that didnt happen coz apparently the lecturer 'forget' to email us that he be away this wk. wtf!! nwayz, sumthing i read on the notice board caught my eye and caught me bad.


mumsy told me alot of tyms that i shudnt be farking ard too much. ok! prolly not in that context but u do noe wat i mean right!. and i told her that i am not. tho prolly i might haf been. so i told her that wat i am here for hasnt changed tho it seems everything might haf. so she told me that i MUST do her and daddie proud. by graduating. i mean seriously, and for real! that is so gonna happen. no doubt abt it. i am not stoopid as in to be here and not grad. as much as i am wasting money.. i am wasting my freaking tym. fyi - i am not getting any younger as well. so that will be a tad bit too much tym wasting.


back to the story. i told dem that i wuldnt be eligible for honours given, how much i farked my first 4 sems so bad. so i told dem that i will grad wif upper 2nd class. and that, right now, seems so far-fetched. now, i am just looking at wanting to grad. thats all.


i mean, i culd haf been der if i hadnt been so complacent. and i do drive myself hard and most of the tym, straight into a wall. and crash. and after, i just lost my drive. and everything else that keeps me together. like i am now. i've been so driven that wen i crashed a couple wks back, i've pretty much farked ard alot. farking a 10% assie, an exam and uni. as much as i noe thats bad, it doesnt change anything.


its like being in a constant battle wif myself. its ironic how much u noe wats happening and how u shud react but it still doesnt happen.
i am scared and afraid of not graduating. in tym.

ps: happy bdae andy sweetie!!!